Overcoming Obstacles: How to Deal with Setbacks and Adversity

Nobody ever goes through life without experiencing some form of adversity and setback. These things are inevitable.

Financial issues, Family issues, Health issues, Work issues - and so many more categories to choose from!

I recently had a call from a long-time friend from highschool.

I asked him what was up and he said that it was nice to hear a friendly voice for a change. Then he proceeded to tell me how he had recently purchased a property and after all contracts signed and deposits paid, he found out that there was a caveat on the property.

I then asked, did you do things on the "cheap" and use a conveyancer, rather than a solicitor? He said yes (not surprised).

His fear was that the bank would renege on the loan now that a caveat has been discovered.

He bought this property as a retirement property for him and his wife, and they planned to retire in 3 years and move into it.

I then offerred the following wisdom.... "My friend, no problem is ever as big as it appears at the time. There are, more often than not, various solutions available. You just need to work them out" Then I finished with "mate, no matter how bad your situation is, I guarantee that there are people you know that are facing even bigger issues that this. Your problem is solvable".

A week later, we spoke again and I asked "how is the situation going?" He told me that the bank had provided the loan and the property had settled. "I told you that problems always appear bigger than thay are, and human nature is to always look at the grimmest outcome"

He then said "there is another problem now there is a shed on the property which was not council approved, and now it appears the insurance company may not insure the property, which means we cannot put tenants in it".

I then suggested again, that no problem is ever as big as it appears. I suggested a possible solution was to move into the property 3 years earlier and move jobs for that 3 years. This, he agreed was an obvious and valid solution.

We spoke a week later, and I asked "how's the situation going?" He advised that they got the insurance cover and now are looking to put a tenant in the property.

I then said "my friend, I told you that no problem is ever as big or as daunting as it first appears!!!"

I directed him to a few lessons on this website. Hopefully they helped him somewhat. However, I did omit telling him who the website belonged to. Maybe he will figure it out if he reads this post...... or maybe he will now not refer to this site because he has no more problems. Who knows?

However, the lessons here are not aimed at solving problems, rather, they are designed to educate in order to help avoid problems.

Setbacks and adversity will happen to you.

How you choose to handle them and respond to them will determine your degree of success or failure.

I honestly believe the following:

• No problem is ever as big as it first appears

• There are people in worse situations that you, facing bigger challenges than you - think yourself lucky you are not one of them.

• Life is a bully, and will beat you down if you let it. Treat it like any bully and get back up and hit back.

• There is most often either a solution, or a "work-around" with any problem. Not always, but most often - you just need to figure it out.

• Your mind will often look at the worst possible outcome of a situation and paralyse you with fear. Do NOT let this happen. There is most often a solution.

• Whether you believe you can or you can't - you're right.

• Do, or Do Not.... there is no "Try"!

• Always be thinking outside the box. Always look for a different perspective.

One of my favourite quotes is this:

The Problem is NOT the Problem.

The Problem is your attitude about the Problem.

Do you understand?

- Capt. Jack Sparrow

I know it may seem easy for someone like myself to talk about how I think others should handle adversity. It's easy to make the above statements.... but what happens to these beliefs when really serious issues arise?

Let me tell you here and now... when it comes to what I have written on this website, I only ever write (or speak) from experience - always!

I have had three unfortunate incidents in my life over the last 20 years, which were not my fault, but the consequences of which have caused my lungs to begin failing.

I will spare the details, but I will say that 3 months ago I was given 2 or maybe (if I'm lucky) 3 years to live unless I can get a double lung transplant.

As I told my friend a number of weeks ago, "no matter what your problem may be, someone is worse off". When I told him my situation, he then realised that his situation was relatively insignificant. However, I then said "you know mate, that there are people that are worse off than me - people that are terminal and have zero chance at survival. I am NOT one of them.

I at least have a shot at getting on the transplant waitlist and maybe getting a new set of lungs. There are others that will not get such an opportunity due to factors such as having previous complicating issues such as cancer, stroke or heart attacks. Such people do not qualify for a lung transplant, I am NOT one of these people.

I am currently doing EVERYTHING I can to meet the criteria for a transplant - and it does not matter how wealthy you are - you either meet all the criteria and make the list or you don't.

So, now that you know my situation, you can understand that my mindset is focussed on staying positive, not allowing fear to take over (it is a useless and paralysing emotion) and doing whatever it takes to improve my chances on making the list.

I have a poor prognosis, but that prognosis is based on nothing changing - yet I plan to do everything I can to make the changes that will get me on the transplant list.

Now, having said all that I have said here, if you are one that suffers from depression, illogical fear and anxiety, emotional paralysis, etc I would like to give you a reading suggestion:

"The Ultimate Introduction to NLP. How to build a successful life" by Richard Bandler

I have listened to this audiobook numerous times in the last 12 years, and the techniques it describes absolutley worked for me. It keeps fear, self doubt and anxiety at bay, which then allows me to focus on the things that really matter.

I have recommended this book to many friends and acquaintences. In my eyes, NLP is a powerful technique. Maybe it will help you too?